Lauren also received her progress notes and her grade card. I know she is a smart little girl, and there are amazing things in that brain of hers, but it is still hard to see all of the "1"'s on her grade card. Also, seeing any IEP goal that it marked "minimal progress" is a bit heartbreaking. I know the academics are just going to get harder with each grade level, and that it will be hard for her to keep up, but I have faith that she will continue to make great strides. Now, my definition of great strides and yours may differ. I feel guilty, sad, and happy all at the same time. Happy, because she is a joy, and she is healthy as a horse. Guilty, because she has made so much progress when some children who started out on her level have not. Sad, because her whole life will always be centered around her autism, and there's nothing I can do about that. I have started this blog because there are a lot of things I want to discuss and talk about, but do not necessarily want Facebook comments. I just want some understanding. Understanding as to why your child's brilliance and achievements make me happy, but at the same time it is a harsh reminder of goals Lauren greatly struggles with, or may never accomplish. Why sometimes I just want to be alone to think. Why I dont want to hear that "she'll be fine". Please dont dismiss her disability. She will shine, and I will make sure she has every opportunity to, but dont downplay my worry for her future. It is very real. Please understand that I love when people ask about her, how she is doing, and what she is up to. It may be mundane details for you, but it makes me see how loved she really is. Feel free to use the word AUTISM with me. I am a proud autism mom, and I have NO shame for her diagnosis. I dont pretend or put on blinders when it comes to her and her unique personality.
Ok. enough for tonight. Thaks to those of you who took the time to read my rant.
Rant all you want! Although I'm not sure this qualifies as a rant. I love that you embrace the fact that Lauren has autism and I know it has to be real hard for everyone. I remember when I first found out and I was sad that you felt like you kinda had to deal with that alone-by alone I mean without me, or most of your friends as you all adjusted to those emotions. I admire how you placed it top prioity to find her the needed resources. I look at her pictures and you're posts and I so in love with her. I can't look at a little pony without thinking of her. There is no discounting the long road ahead but it will most definitely be a journey I can't wait to follow. Good or bad or sad. Plus one day I'm going to have a best seller wheres pony book.
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The Beaver
God, I love you Jessica. I love you like a sister. I like to think the best is yet to come. Thank you for being there for me, and for just being freaking awesome.
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